Tragedy in the Family.

I'm sitting here, once again, at my desk in my lovely office.  I'm a property manager up in NW Austin.  I have been working at this apartment community for 3.5 years now.

Recently, my family suffered a tragedy.  This past Monday, my cousin took her own life.  We will never understand the dynamics of what someone is thinking or feeling.  No one can understand feelings and I try to suppress mine.  Most times, I wish I didn't have them.  My cousin was 19, a bright soul and a lesbian.  She wasn't a troubled kid.  I was recently told that her parents and grand parents (whom she lived with) where not accepting of her.  They would harass her about her lifestyle.

I received a phone call from my mother yesterday.  She wanted to ensure that if I ever felt the need to talk, or felt lonely to call her immediately.  I felt honored.  In the past, my mother was very anti-gay.  I use to be afraid to tell her about me.  Now, she is at my side.  She explained that my father had said something about homosexuality yesterday and my mother gave him a "come to Jesus" talking too.  I'm sure it didn't change his mind, however, it did give her more courage to say it's all ok.  I did tell her that I'm the type of man that doesn't care what others think about me.  I don't care if my father approves of who I am or not.  This is me and it has taken a very long time for me to get to where I am at in my life.  I'm very happy.  

My mother is a grand lady who has suffered a lot of tragedy but has come out a shining star.  I have never been more proud of my mother until yesterday.  She is my "mother in shining armor" and has proven that no matter what, I am her kid.  I was raised to be a strong man, full of ambition and courage.  Just like Spock, I have my mother to help me through life and be proud of me.

Star Trek Logo

  

Wow.  Today is March 7, 2012.  Tomorrow, I celebrate my 35th birthday on this planet.  I've been wanting to type this blog all day.  I saw Dave's email come through on my phone, however, our office internet has been down most of the day.  The lack of internet, has made for a very interesting day since most of my job is done online.  I'm an apartment manager in NW Austin and handle resident billing.

As for The Chronicles of Spock, since my birthday is tomorrow, I think it is almost too perfect to do my first blog based on Star Trek.  I've been in-love with Star Trek since I was born.  I remember the first time I watched it (and remembered), I was around 8 years old and it was showing on WGN at 5:00 am.  My family and I were leaving for San Antonio for my father's doctors appointment.  I got to watch the entire show before we left.  Immediately, I connected with Spock and his sense of "logic".

In the latest movie, Star Trek, we are introduced to how the crew of the Enterprise came together, witha  new twist.  We do get to see the past history of Spock unfold.  In it, He discovers how his emotions are something more intense for him and much more foreign than other Vulcans.  He does have a strong connection with his human mother, Amanda.  He looks to her for guidance and seeks her approval on his choice to enter the Vulcan Science Academy.  What made me feel even more connected, now as an adult, with him are our mothers.  She responds that she is his mother and she is proud of him and what ever he chooses.  I wish I could remember the quote exactly.  I'll get it when I get home.  I can relate.  I'm very close to my mother and am always seeking her approval.  I remember when I called her in the summer of July 2010 to tell her I was going back to school and hoped she was proud of me.  My mother said, "Of course, you always make me proud."  I cried that night.  I always held on to the fact that I was a let down to my family because I am Gay.  The oldest of two boys in the family, I am the gay one.  So when she told me that she was always proud of me, I knew that I was still loved.  It's kind of funny, that my little brother thinks I'm the favorite one despite my "disadvantages."

In the movie, Spock is accepted to the Science Academy, and is told that the Elders are surprised that he did so well despite his "disadvantages."  He asks what they were referring to, and the response, "your human mother."  It made me smile when Spock looks at them, and his father and declines the invitation to join the academy.

Despite our disadvantages, our mothers are proud.  Even though he is a character in a sci-fi show, he and I are twins!

Live Long and Prosper...Hook'em!

Amanda & Spock